Thursday, July 7, 2011

In a daze...

     I'm so out of it today, but have so much on mind.... that has been running....all-night-long. I went to bed at 10:30 last night..... only to find myself awake about midnight. I can't remember if I woke up b/c I was too hot, or my dog had to go out.... but for whatever reason I was awake.... wide awake... mind racing... heart racing.... I laid there and waited, thinking surely I would fall back asleep shortly.... 
    2 hrs later, I was till laying there.... wide awake.... my mind bouncing from moving to what I want to pack... what I want to get rid of... what I want to do with my life... where I want to be... and how in the world am I going to get there!? I just wanted to get up and GET AT IT! I wanted to get everything packed, everything organized THEN I would be able to rest and sleep for sure! 
     I didn't end up getting up and getting anything accomplished (but taking my dog outside multiple times!) but I finally found a peace and fell asleep. No, the nyquil wasn't my peace.. but it definitely put me into a deep sleep.... which in the end back fired on me and I couldn't WAKE UP! I guess any person thinking straight would know not to take nyquil at 3am when you have to wake up early the next day. Not me soo much, at 3am, and I've been awake for several hours, not tired at all, I was desperate! I HAD to sleep! So I dove in! I got my sleep!!! And I got late to work! 
    But I'm here! I'm chuggin along. Mind still stirring... I have so much I want to accomplish. I really feel like I am creeping up a mountain and I am about to reach the top!... and soar! I'm going to be some body! 
     Regardless of my past, or anything that has tried to hold me back since then... not going to let it have a foot hold on me or living my dreams. I have truly been inspired. I feel like one of my purposes in life is to help someone... I really don't know who it is, or how I will meet them, or if I already have met them for that matter! I just know that I try and show people there is a better way to life, you don't have to let your past be a part of your future and YOU CAN live your dreams! I try to love everyone I can, I wish good things to happen to everyone, even the people who have wronged me. 
     I know not a lot of people know much about my past, how I grew up, or heart ache I have been through; Some from choices I have made and some from choices others have made. 
     Growing up I  never thought I would ever go through some of things that I have... including divorce. (I will blog more on this some day...) How do you handle going through something you don't believe in?? It really strains you and what you believe in and how you view things and people. It literally broke my heart. 
     I remember the day that I found out my husband didn't want to be married anymore... it was a spring day in April... my whole world stopped.... I didn't sleep at all that night... I laid awake thinking of so many things... "what happened" I kept thinking and saying over and over. I went to church the next day. There were so many people that reached out to me. And in the midst of all my pain and confusion I had a <such a little> comfort in knowing the people who surrounded me had been through the same thing... they cried with me. I look back, years later, and am *so* thankful for those people!!! I hope some day some day I can be that "help" to someone going through one of life's devastations. 
----I'm working my way up to write my story----


     I'm trying to conclude my writing on the book I have been writing for almost 2yrs now(!!!) and I am going to continue in my writing by <I think> writing my biography! I think it would be a healing process for me but also would help someone get through some of the things that I have gotten through with *hope* that you can get through all things! You have to believe in yourself and press on! Embrace change, it defines your character! 
    

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